Black Fish: Memoir of a Bad Luck Girl

I wrote this essay for a Dollhouse contest sponsored by Smart Pop Books.  I didn’t win – oh well! – but here’s the essay in full, as well as a list of the winners.  Congrats to the winners!

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The first time I watched Dollhouse, I thought it seemed eerily familiar. The spacious rooms, the nice-looking people having lunch, everyone trying to be their best. Then I realized: the Dollhouse was my office.

For over ten years, I worked for one of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the world. At our peak, we had three buildings within four square blocks, each with its own cafeteria. We had our own branch of a major bank, a mailroom, and a doctor on the premises. We even had yoga.

All of our needs were met. We never had to leave.

I loved it. The place was like a second home. Every day I knew where I was going and what to expect. I’d take the same bus every morning, sometimes with the same people. I’d pick up a coffee and go to my floor where my desk and computer were waiting. I’d log in and check my email, my calendar for any meetings. I’d do my work. I’d do my best.

Last year, I quit my job to move to San Francisco with my boyfriend and write full-time. I enjoyed the idea of freedom more than the reality. For the first month, I wandered around like a dumb show. What would I do about lunch? My workouts? What if I needed a doctor? I had no health insurance and no one to take care of me. I wondered if I wanted back in with company, back with, essentially, the Dollhouse.

(Continued)